I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
