my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
