She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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