I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
