he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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