I accidentally had phone sex last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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