OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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