I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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