at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
