I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
