I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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