:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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