got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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