Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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