I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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