I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
