They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
