u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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