He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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