Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
