mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
