The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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