so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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