EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
