YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
