I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
