I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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