Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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