u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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