What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
