I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
