Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
