The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
