all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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