it glows. i had to have it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
