He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
