I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
