she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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