Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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