Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
