I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
