This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
