I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So much rum. So many feels.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
