If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
