omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
