They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
