His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
