So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it glows. i had to have it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
