I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
