I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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