he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
