Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
