i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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