He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
