So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We were destined to go to rehab together
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
