i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
