Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
