So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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