When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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