Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
