I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
