i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
