I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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