Your mouth is God's brothel.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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