I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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