what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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