Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
