first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize